


Cotton Candy Sky

by flootiger



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 20:46:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootiger/pseuds/flootiger
Summary: The twins are in a bad place. After a messy break-up and a few too many parties Bill is so lost that even Tom is struggling to pull him back again. They’re broken and Tom can’t work out how to fix his twin, how to fix them both.Then one night changes everything.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You can find more of my stories here: http://fiction.tokiohotelfiction.com/viewuser.php?action=storiesby&uid=18857 
> 
> This is totally and 100% inspired by Cotton Candy Sky, can you tell? lol 
> 
> Please enjoy, thank you for taking the time to read!

Tom heard the latch of their front door and rolled over. It was late, so late it was almost early and he knew in a couple of hours the sun would start poking it’s head over the hills. Bill had gone out that night without him. He’d been doing that a lot lately. Tom would notice early on in the evening when Bill would grow distracted, bury his nose in his phone and shoot out fifty invites for a party in West Hollywood that he himself had only been invited to that afternoon. Sometimes Tom went with him, mostly he didn’t.   
  
He could hear Bill now, stumbling down the hall, through the kitchen, heading up the stairs towards his bedroom. Tom always heard him because Tom always stayed awake when Bill went out. Exhausted, he squeezed his eyes shut and swore under his breath at himself, sick of being the pathetic older brother unable to let Bill out on his own within having a panic attack.   
  
It wasn't unfounded fear, he told himself. Bill was reckless and trusting, a lethal combination in a city full of sin.   
  
Outside his room he heard a bang and opened his eyes, wondering if Bill had tripped over. But it was silent again the next moment and Tom didn’t hear anything until his ears picked up on the quiet click of his twin’s bedroom door as he shut it.   
  
Bill was always respectful of Tom’s decision to stay home and Tom knew he attempted to keep the noise down. Tom also knew that Bill had no idea that Tom was laying awake for him every time he left the house.   
  
He could tell him, but then Bill would stay in and Tom was reluctant to become even more codependent than they already were. It was dangerous.   
  
As silence fell, he lay still for several minutes, wondering if Bill had passed out on his bed. Perhaps he would check up on him, just peek into his room to make sure he was ok. Sighing, Tom threw the covers off his body and stood, rubbing his eyes as he padded over to his door, pulled it open and crossed the hall to stand outside Bill’s room. Sleepily, he pressed his fingers tips to the wood until it swung slowly open, a sliver of light casting an orange glow over Bill’s bed, lighting up his smooth features where he lay fully clothed over the covers.   
  
It always ended up like this. Tom would hover by the door, his nervous heart calming the moment he laid eyes on his twin sleeping peacefully. Then, he would step over the threshold, tug off Bill’s shoes and multiple necklaces and tuck him under the duvet so he wouldn’t wake up shivering.   
  
Tonight he did just that, the familiar tug in his heart as he watched Bill sleep letting him know that this was the right thing to do. Tom had always taken care of Bill and it hurt when Bill stopped taking care of himself. Tom struggled to comprehend how other people did it; how they got through life without a twin.   
  
Just as he drew the covers up to Bill’s chin, Bill stirred, letting out a soft sigh and nuzzling slightly into the pillow. Tom sighed too, smoothing a loving hand over Bill’s cheek and letting his thumb caress Bill’s cheekbone. These moments were precious to Tom because he got to see his twin calm and undisturbed.   
  
Grateful for the quiet moment, he remained by Bill’s side for several minutes, crouched like a thief by his twin’s bed, stealing a secret moment while Bill slept oblivious.   
  
Then, with a final stroke to Bill’s cheek, Tom stood, exhaling shakily and returning to his bedroom alone.   
  


~~~~

  
  
“You gonna join me in the studio today?”   
  
Tom watched as Bill looked up from his coffee. His twin was perched at their breakfast bar nursing a cup of steaming coffee and looking wrecked.   
  
“Maybe later,” Bill said, shrugging.   
  
Tom shifted from foot to foot, watching as Bill looked away and took a sip of caffeine. Lately, that had been Bill’s answer to everything. Do you want to walk the dogs? _Maybe later_. Do you want to watch a movie? _Maybe later_. Do you want to sing for me? _Maybe later…_  
  
Tom tried to ignore the knot of worry that sat low in his chest as he looked over at his twin. Beautiful, broken Bill who sat hunched over his coffee like it was his lifeline. But it was no use, the knot was growing tighter and tighter and Tom knew it wouldn’t be long before something snapped.   
  
“I’m working on something new,” Tom informed his twin. “I need a melody.” _I need you._  
  
Bill met his gaze again and smiled, a half smile that made Tom’s heart ache. “I’ll come down later, ok?”   
  
Tom held eye contact for several more seconds before he nodded once and began taking a step back. “You know where to find me.”   
  
Bill didn’t respond and Tom turned away, retreating down into their home studio alone.   
  


~~~~

  
  
Tom had hoped the music would have drawn his brother to him but apparently today wasn’t the day.   
  
Bill was stuck in some sort of rut and had been for a long time. Everything Tom had tried hadn’t seemed to work and so now he was waiting for Bill to come to him, reluctant to inadvertently push his twin away for good. The thought of pushing Bill so hard that he left him was crippling and so Tom’s fears were dictating a new strategy of wait for Bill, be there for him until he was ready.   
  
After suffering a messy break-up last year Bill had had a hard time readjusting to single life. Tom didn’t want to admit it but he had found it hard having to share his twin with another supposed significant other. Taking care of Bill had always been his primary job and it had been difficult to watch somebody else try to do it. Not that Bills ex-boyfriend had been particularly good at it, Tom thought with an angry frown.  
  
Bill had sworn he was in it for the sex but Tom had been there when the lies and the betrayals came out. Bill’s confidence had been shattered into a thousand pieces and he’d buried his face in Tom’s neck on the sofa until Tom had felt the telltale dampness of silent tears.  
  
Memories of Bill crawling into his bed for the months that followed stirred a confusing mix of emotion in Tom. Anger that Bill had become so dependent on his twin that he could no longer sleep alone, pleasure that Bill was actually there with him… concern that Bill would stop coming.   
  
Then Bill had stopped coming and the concern had turned into a painful yearning.   
  
Tom shook his head and tapped his mouse a few times, taking the song he was working on back to the start and trying to focus. It was so much harder being in the studio without his twin. They’d made music together for so long that Tom felt like he was missing a limb.   
  
Sighing, he closed his eyes and tipped his head back as the song filled the room. He let the music wash over him, seep into his veins and fill his soul.   
  
_Bill_.   
  
It was all about Bill, all for Bill.   
  
“I like it.”   
  
Tom’s eyes flew open and he spun round in the desk chair to see Bill leaning against the door frame in a soft hoodie and pyjamas bottoms. His blonde hair was fluffy from sleep and his eyes were bloodshot but Tom’s breath was still taken away as he stared at Bill.   
  
“Thanks.” Tom didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to say it’s for you but the words wouldn’t come. “You want to help me with the melody? I can’t do that shit without you.”   
  
Bill’s lips quirked upwards in a small smile. “Yes you can,” he said. “You can do anything.”   
  
Tom watched as Bill propelled himself off from the doorframe and moved into the studio, stepping over one of Tom’s amps and coming to stand right by him at the mixing decks.   
  
“ _We_ can do anything,” Tom corrected with a slight frown.   
  
Bill chuckled softly but the sound was somewhat bitter. “I’m not so sure I can do anything anymore.”   
  
Tom was startled by Bill’s admission. “Don’t say that, you know it’s bullshit,” Tom said, looking up at Bill. But Bill wasn’t listening, instead leaning over the desk and squinting at what was on Tom’s screen. Tom held his breath, watching his brother intently as he studied the song Tom was compiling.   
  
Then he stood up straight again, turning away from Tom as though making to leave the room.   
  
“Bill, wait,” Tom grabbed his twin’s forearm, anchoring him temporarily at his side. “Just… stay for a while. Please?”   
  
Bill blinked down at him then said. “I’m not in the mood to write music, Tom.”   
  
“You don’t have to,” Tom said quickly. His fingertips brushed down Bill’s arm until he found his hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze. “Sit on the sofa and listen. I work better with you here.”   
  
Bill thought for a moment and Tom held his gaze imploringly. Then Bill acquiesced, his hand slipping out of Tom’s so he could deposit himself heavily on the small sofa behind Tom’s work desk.   
  
“You’re going to end up producing this whole fucking thing alone,” Bill said wryly.   
  
“I’m not alone,” Tom smiled at Bill, so pleased to have his twin with him, even if it only lasted a few minutes.   
  
The light flush that bled into Bill’s cheeks made Tom’s belly swirl happily and he grinned wider when Bill kicked out a foot to tap at Tom’s knee. “Go on then, show me what you’ve got so far.”   
  
Tom messed around with the mixing software until he was ready. “Feel free to speak up at any time. I know you have opinions about… everything,” Tom said teasingly.   
  
He was rewarded with a kick to the back of his chair and he grinned at the monitor in front of him.   
  
Bill might have said _maybe later_ earlier but a maybe was always better than a no. He stayed with Tom well into the early hours until Tom had joined him on the sofa with a beer and they’d fallen asleep curled together like puppies.   
  


~~~~

  
  
When Tom woke the next morning his neck was stiff and his mouth felt dry. Blinking the sleep away he heaved himself up from the studio sofa, looking around for someone he already knew was absent. The cool cushions beside him told Tom that it had been some time since Bill had arisen.   
  
Deciding it was probably time to take the dogs for a walk he trudged upstairs, hopping in the shower before calling out Bill’s name on his way back downstairs.   
  
No answer.   
  
Tom wandered out onto the wooden decking that surrounded their pool, squinting into the sun and hoping to hear the clack of they dog’s claws on the patio. But the only sounds that met Tom’s ears were the faraway rush of LA traffic far below in the valleys and a few shrieks from their neighbour’s kids.   
  
A mild panic was starting to creep up his chest to grip his heart and he turned back inside with a mind to locate his phone and call Bill. It was probably fine, Tom was probably overreacting but it would drive him crazy to remain at home and wait. Ever since they’d been small they had both had trouble spending longer than 24 hours apart, possibly a byproduct of having to stay at a different parent each during weekends, Tom thought bitterly. He didn’t blame his parents, they just hadn’t understood what being a twin was like.   
  
His phone was on the kitchen counter and he picked it up with slightly trembling hands, tapping in his passcode and swiping to call his twin. But just as he lifted the phone to his ear the front door was pushed wide and Bill was revealed, ushering their pups inside, a pair of enormous sunglasses on his face and two Starbucks coffees in his hands.   
  
Tom stared, dumbfounded, for several seconds before he rushed to help his twin into their house. He noticed his twin was panting, a light glow of sweat covering his forehead and his cheeks flushed from the LA sun.   
  
“Hey,” Bill greeted, not looking at him but busy trying to navigate around an excited Pumba with two coffees and his handbag in tow. “Can you?” Bill held out the coffees to Tom who took them and set them aside on the counter.  
  
“You walked the dogs?” Tom asked, raising his eyebrows as he bent down to greet his boy.   
  
“I’m not completely useless,” Bill looked at him then with a soft smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.   
  
“No,” Tom agreed. “You’re definitely not useless. Where did you go?”   
  
“Just down to the bottom of the hill to get coffee,” Bill told him, dumping the rest of his stuff on the floor and shrugging off his jacket that was actually Tom’s. “Then up again. Fuck I’m exhausted, that hill is a killer.”   
  
“Sort of why we bought this place,” Tom reminded him, recalling how they’d moved higher into the hills during their last move in an attempt to put even more distance between themselves and any lurking paparazzi who still seemed to be interested in their private lives.   
  
“Yeah,” Bill said absently, slurping on his coffee.   
  
Tom watched his little brother and felt a rush of affection for him. It was a surprise to see him out and about in casual wear when the sun was still up. Bill had become a night owl, only emerging to go to a party or late night soiree with one of his many hook ups.   
  
“I was worried,” Tom found himself voicing.   
  
Bill looked up. “Why?”  
  
“I woke up and you were gone,” Tom said. “You could’ve texted.”   
  
Bill blinked at him and then stepped closer to Tom, running his hand down Tom’s arm and giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. Tom searched his gaze and Bill said, “I’m sorry. You don’t need to worry, I’m fine.”   
  
Tom frowned. “You’re not.”   
  
“Don’t,” Bill snapped and Tom knew they’d crossed into dangerous territory. “I don’t want to talk about this.”  
  
“We’re not talking about anything,” Tom said calmly, trying to hide the tremor in his voice as he watched Bill start to retreat into himself. “I just wanted to know where you are. You could’ve fallen off a cliff or something.”   
  
Then Bill laughed and Tom was so taken aback that he did too.   
  
“Tom,” Bill said, the edges of his eyes crinkled and happier than Tom had seen him for weeks. “You’re ridiculous.”   
  
Tom shrugged a shoulder and grinned at Bill, his belly filling with warm butterflies as Bill laced their fingers together more firmly and tugged Tom into a familiar embrace. Tom held Bill carefully in his arms, reluctant to let his twin go in case he fell apart again the instant he did so. It was a sweet, gentle moment and Tom wanted to savour it. Bill was solid and real, his body pressed right up against Tom’s and his arms around his neck. He wondered if this was Bill’s way of trying to heal himself, feeding off Tom as Tom had fed off Bill during his own lapses into darkness.   
  
When Bill finally pulled back he was no longer smiling but Tom could see some of the old light in his hazel eyes. Then Bill was gone, returning to his coffee and Tom was left feeling bereft.   
  


~~~~

  
  
Disappointment.   
  
Tom tried to quash the feeling but his heart had sunk the moment he’d seen Bill reach for his phone and start tapping furiously at it.   
  
Bill had gone nearly a week without heading out into the night and Tom was starting to wonder whether this was the beginning of the end of Bill’s self-destructive misery. He’d allowed himself to hope.   
  
He was wrong. He’d trailed after Bill when he’d picked himself up from the sofa with Pumba at his feet and climbed the stairs. Now Tom was sitting on Bill’s bed, pretending to watch the television he’d installed for Bill last year but really watching his twin as he dug through his wardrobe in search of something to wear. Tom could tell he was going out to get laid, every item of clothing he plucked out was slinky and tight, revealing shirts and jeans that encased his pert ass so that Tom kept having to evert his gaze, embarrassed that watching Bill’s display made all sorts of illicit feelings stir deep in his belly.   
  
They weren’t speaking, Bill knowing not to ask Tom’s opinion, or not caring to, Tom wasn’t sure. The only sound was the television, some uninteresting American cop show, and the occasional clatter of a make-up brush as Bill would swipe on some bronzer. There were no charcoal eyeshadows littering Bill’s vanity anymore but instead an array of nude pastes and powders that made his skin glow and covered up the dark circles that Tom had noticed to be an almost permanent fixture beneath Bill’s sad eyes.   
  
“Can I come tonight?” Tom suddenly asked as Bill pulled on a particularly see-through top, mostly just silver thread meshed together.   
  
Bill stilled and looked at Tom. Tom couldn’t read the expression on his twin’s face but he thought he knew what was coming.   
  
“I don’t think so,” Bill said quietly. “I’m… I’m going to meet someone I don’t think you would like.”   
  
Tom understood what that meant. Bill was going to meet one of his regular hook ups, an easy lay with no strings attached, maybe enjoy some partying before they headed back to his place or a hotel in the centre of town. Tom didn’t like any of Bill’s fuck buddies and Bill knew it. Involuntarily, Tom’s expression soured and he looked away from Bill and back at the flickering television.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Bill said faintly.   
  
“Why?” Tom asked, still watching the screen and not his twin. “It’s none of my business who you fuck.”   
  
He could almost feel Bill shrink away from him at the foot of the bed and his stomach knotted in guilt.   
  
“I just need,” Bill said and at last Tom’s eyes strayed back to Bill to see him wringing his hands and looking upset. “I need _something._ Someone. To take the edge off.”   
  
Tom grunted, hating how unreasonable his behaviour was but unable to help himself. He’d never been able to be reasonable when it came to Bill. He’d lost friends and girlfriends over his twin and he knew it would never stop. He’d never love anyone as much as he loved Bill. Maybe one day Bill would see just how much and he’d stop this cycle of loveless relationships that only ended in pain.   
  
“Let’s go out this weekend,” Bill suggested and Tom could feel the bed dip as Bill came to perch beside him. “Just you and me.”   
  
Tom looked at Bill and saw Bill gazing hopefully at him. Irresistible. _You’re irresistible_ , he wanted to tell his twin.   
  
“Ok,” Tom agreed. “Just us?”   
  
Bill nodded. “We’ll have fun. I’ll get some gear. You need to let go a little.”   
  
The idea excited Tom and made his belly cartwheel with nerves. Maybe Bill was right, maybe it was he who needed to let go. Tom had spent so much time worrying about Bill lately he hadn’t given himself much thought.   
  
“Will you come back tonight?” Tom wanted to know.   
  
Bill looked at him with doleful eyes and shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”   
  
Tom swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat and nodded, understanding. “Be safe, ok?”   
  
“I always am,” Bill told him. “You’ll be ok?”  
  
Tom smiled weakly at his twin. “I always am.”   
  
That night Tom stayed in Bill’s bed, engulfing himself in Bill’s heady scent and clutching his phone tight in his hand, waiting all night for it to buzz. It didn’t, and Tom was awake when he heard Bill stumble in just before dawn and collapse down beside him. Bill’s eyes were glazed and when he turned his head towards Tom and Tom was alarmed to see tears shining in his eyes as they looked at each other in the hazy half-light. As per his routine, Tom removed Bill’s boots and necklaces but instead of wrapping Bill up in the covers he wrapped him up in his arms and held him until he felt his small body heave with sobs that didn’t stop until the sun was high in the sky and they both fell asleep, exhausted.   
  


~~~~

  
  
Tom awoke first, groggy and disoriented. It took him a moment to remember why he was holding Bill against his chest but the memory of last night came flooding back in a rush of emotion. It was almost dark again, the low-setting sun casting an eerie, striped glow through Bill’s closed blinds.   
  
They had barely shifted during their slumbers and Bill was still pressed close against his chest, his hot breaths puffing into Tom’s neck as he slept soundly. Not wanting to wake his twin, Tom didn’t move just yet, instead stroking his palms down Bill’s back and sides gently.   
  
As he held Bill close he wondered what the fuck they were going to do. They had an album due in a few months that Bill couldn’t bring himself to write, followed by a ton of publicity and a European tour. Bill was not ok and it was breaking Tom’s heart.   
  
He stared up at the ceiling, rubbing soothing circles into Bill’s back and listening to him breathe evenly in the noiseless room. It was some time later when Bill eventually stirred, his eyelashes fluttering and a soft sound issuing from his lips as he surfaced.   
  
“Hey,” Tom greeted in a whisper. “Hey, how are you feeling?”   
  
Bill blinked dozily as he pulled back from his place in the crook of Tom’s neck enough to find Tom’s eyes in the greying light. The sun had now set completely and all that was keeping the room lit was a faded evening dusk.   
  
“‘M ok, I guess,” Bill croaked. “Did you stay all night?”   
  
“Yeah,” Tom said quietly. “I didn’t want to disturb you.”   
  
Bill’s eyes captured Tom’s gaze, at last able to focus after waking up a little more. “You didn’t have to stay.”   
  
“Yes I did,” Tom said seriously. “You know that.”   
  
Bill allowed himself a small smile. The sight made Tom’s heart ache and he reached up to pushed a few of Bill’s blonde locks back off his forehead. Bill’s eyelids fluttered shut at the touch and he exhaled through his nose.   
  
“You look after me too much,” he murmured.   
  
“No such thing,” Tom promised him. Bill opened his almond eyes and somehow they were closer. His hot breath on Tom’s mouth made his toes curl and his vision zero in on his twin’s lips, so close that Tom could see them sightly bruised red from a rough night.   
  
The thought of someone else kissing those lips made him close his eyes, not wanting to imagine it but unable to help himself.   
  
“You need to look after yourself, too,” Bill breathed.   
  
When Tom opened his eyes they were nose to nose and there was something in Bill’s eyes that Tom hadn’t seen before. It was nervous and it was searching and Tom could have sworn that Bill was going to kiss him. He held his breath, not wanting to scare away his twin. His heart was hammering against his ribcage and he wondered if Bill could hear it. Bill’s eyes were starting to fall shut as he leaned in…   
  
But the pat pat of hungry paws down the hallway had Bill’s eyes widening fearfully and before Tom could protest Bill was pulling away and the moment was lost.   
  
“Fuck,” Tom swore at the empty room.


	2. Chapter 2

For the next two days there was a strange energy between the twins. Tom could feel it and he knew that Bill could too. It wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t unwanted, but it made Tom’s heart beat fast whenever his twin entered a room and his stomach clench excitedly when Bill bestowed a rare smile upon him.   
  
He’d also noticed how he could make the tops of Bill’s cheekbones dust in pink whenever he let his touch linger a little too long. Bill had been distant, but he’d sought Tom out twice in the studio, not helping him make the music but just sitting there in companionable silence, sipping on a beer and smoking a joint.   
  
Tom considered this progress.   
  
“Do you still want to go out tonight?” Bill asked him.   
  
Tom swivelled round on his chair to regard Bill, his hands folded in his lap. Bill looked hopeful, his eyes bright with an excitement that Tom wasn’t used to seeing these days.   
  
“Of course,” Tom told him, his own insides squirming with the prospect of really letting loose with his twin. There was so many unspoken things floating around between them at the moment that Tom felt a certain degree of anticipation that tonight… something would happen.   
  
They would be free, alive, loved up, euphoric. _Together_.   
  
Bill smiled at Tom and Tom thought that he saw the same nervous curiosity behind his twin’s eyes that he felt.   
  


.~~~~

  
  
“Come here,” Bill gestured for Tom to follow him. They cut through the party goers in search of a quiet corner, past the enormous yurt that the host had erected in his backyard and down to a sheltered corner of some fancy rose garden. Around them lights twinkled amongst the flora, intertwined in ornate patterns and lighting up the area enough for the twins to navigate to a hidden seat. A few other revellers were here, mostly paired off, sitting on garden benches, leaning in close to each other to share a kiss or a secret, Tom couldn’t tell.   
  
Bill had known the host, a flamboyant forty-something with serious celebrity connections and a mansion so huge Tom was sure they could get lost inside for days. His weekend party had taken over the entire garden, an elaborately decorated tent the centrepiece that was filled with strobe and smoke and sweat while a heavy baseline exploded into the night.   
  
“Here,” Bill shoved a small baggy into Tom’s hand, his own palm stretched out flat in front of him. Tom saw the small white pill nestled between the cracks of Bill’s fingers and then stuck his own finger into the baggy Bill has just handed him, scooping out the second pill and letting the bag flutter to the ground.   
  
There was no need to be discreet here.   
  
Tom looked up to meet Bill’s eyes in the darkness, round, wide, trusting. The idea that Bill did this with anyone but him sent a painful jolt through his chest but he tried to ignore it, wanting to enjoy the moment.   
  
“Ready?” Bill asked, scooting closer to Tom so their knees bumped. “Sit back,” Bill instructed, out the blue.   
  
“What?” Tom blinked.   
  
“Sit back, I want to give it to you,” Bill told him, leaning so close to Tom that he could feel his breath rush over his skin.   
  
Tom obliged, sitting back against the bench and watching silently as Bill knelt up, one hand cupping the side of Tom’s neck while the other tipped his chin back and gently opened his mouth with two fingers.   
  
“Let’s get high,” Bill whispered and pushed his fingers into Tom’s mouth. Without breaking eye contact Tom’s tongue come out to taste Bill’s fingers, a sweet flavour that mingled with the bitterness of the drug. Tom noticed his twin’s pupils were already blown wide as he stared down at him, a hunger there that Tom hadn’t seen before. Then Tom swallowed, closing his throat around the pill and feeling it slide down his throat. Bill made to extract his fingers but Tom caught his wrist, managing to kiss the tips before Bill’s hand fell away.   
  
Somewhat dazed, Tom sat staring at Bill in the dark while around him a thousand people cheered and screamed and partied hard.   
  
“My turn,” Bill said softly to Tom.   
  
Tom wanted to do the same to Bill but Bill had already popped the pill, jerking his head back to swallow and making to stand up.   
  
“Wait,” Tom said, catching Bill’s arm before he could rise. Bill looked back at him questioningly. “Let’s say here. I wanna wait for the come up with you.”   
  
“I’ll be with you whether we’re here or there,” Bill said but nevertheless he sat back down, crossing his leather-clad legs and leaning back on the bench to stare up at the stars.   
  
Tom watched Bill and as if sensing his gaze, Bill rolled his head towards Tom and smiled softly. “You don’t have to watch me, you know.”   
  
The corners of Tom’s mouth quirked up. “I do,” he told him. “I need to know you’re ok.”   
  
Bill’s wan smile widened ever so slightly.   
  
Sometimes Bill was chatty when he took the stuff. Lately, Tom had found himself craving Bill’s voice. He missed the endless chatter that wafted through their hallways and accompanied him in the studio, walking the dogs, sometimes to the bathroom to sit on the toilet seat while Tom showered, and under the stars as they lay staring into space and planning their future on Mars together. Tonight he knew there would be few words exchanged, the mellowing effect of the chemicals flooding his system already beginning to make his limbs feel light and his mind spaced. All he needed was Bill’s presence, to feel him and touch him and hold him as they rode their high together.   
  
“I’m going to be all over you tonight,” Bill told him. Tom leaned back with his twin, both their necks resting on the back of the bench as they gazed skywards.   
  
“I don’t mind,” Tom told him truthfully and Bill smiled again, dreamy and far away.   
  
“It could be dangerous,” Bill said, so quietly Tom wasn’t sure he’d heard him correctly.   
  
Then, Tom felt Bill’s fingers intertwine with his own and he held on tight, clutching his lifeline as they rose up and up together. At some point Bill leaned in and rested his head on Tom’s shoulder, nosing the soft fabric of Tom’s long sleeved top. Colours were coming alive and everything seemed to slow down as Tom gradually felt the effects of the pill course through his veins. His heart was racing but he still felt calm, content, happy, high.   
  
When Tom’s leg starting jittering slightly Bill tugged them up, twirling them on unsteady feet as he danced through the rose bushes with Tom in tow, following with a far off smile and a happy heart.   
  
The need to be in constant contact with Bill was almost overwhelming for Tom but luckily Bill knew this about him, so he stayed right by his side. Bill was such a good brother. He held Tom’s hand as he guided them towards the dance tent, Bill wrapped loving arms around Tom’s neck as he threw back his head and swayed in time with the music, Bill’s hips connected with Tom’s as they moved together amongst a crowd of nobody’s, his lips were against Tom’s neck in the hot, sticky tent.  
  
The warm, heady feeling of Bill all around him was only pushing Tom higher and he couldn’t get enough.   
  
“Bill,” he mouthed the name, stroking his hands beneath Bill’s top, wanting to get to the soft skin that Bill had decorated with countless tattoos. Everything was hot, his limbs felt heavy and light at the same time as his vision blurred in and out beneath the strobe. He felt so alive.   
  
Bill pulled away from his neck and Tom nearly panicked before his twin’s face swam into focus, smiling, laughing, bright with sweat and pupils blown wide. Tom couldn’t help it, he couldn’t help it as the unstoppable need to kiss Bill tipped him over the edge and he was leaning forward with hazy eyes and then they were kissing.   
  
A thousand feelings erupted inside Tom as he felt Bill push eagerly into the kiss, opening his mouth wide to let Tom’s tongue in. A wave of euphoria washed over him and he hauled Bill close, not wanting this to end, not wanting to let go of Bill and lose this moment. But he didn’t need to worry, for Bill’s hands were clawing at him frantically, pushing into his hair and cupping the back of Tom’s neck as they made out, filled with a desperation for each other they’d never before acted upon. Tom could feel more than hear his twin’s needy little moans as Bill’s lips kissed him back and he could feel his belly knot into excited swirls as both the drug and Bill worked their magic.   
  
He didn’t even fucking care that they were surrounded by a thousand other people, no one knew them, no one gave a shit what they did. Tom had never felt more free.   
  
Then they stopped kissing. Tom wasn’t sure how it happened but somehow he found himself winding his way unsteadily through the garden, away from the tent and towards the house. It looked so welcoming and Tom could see that they were not the first people to have this idea.   
  
Bill was tucked beneath his arm, leaning into him heavily and kissing his neck as they entered the house, neither sure what they were looking for.   
  
A couple of attractive models looked up when they stepped over the threshold of the patio doors and smiled warmly at them but Tom barely registered them before he was steering Bill down a corridor, up some stairs, along another corridor, through a gym until they burst into a dark, royally decorated bedroom and fell against the door, locking it and laughing breathily into each other’s mouths.   
  
Bill kissed him, slowly, sensually, his lips soft and his tongue stud teasing. Tom had never kissed anyone like this before and he wondered if it was the pill, or Bill, or both.   
  
“What are we doing?” Bill pulled away a fraction, so close that Tom felt Bill’s lips move as he whispered the words.   
  
Tom shook his head and pushed back from the door, guiding Bill backwards to the four poster bed until they both fell onto it, panting and excited.   
  
“I don’t know,” he breathed, gazing down at Bill with eyes that couldn’t focus and a warm feeling flooding his system. “I just… I love you, Bill. I want you to be happy… I want to make you happy.”   
  
Bill’s dilated pupils widened further but instead of saying anything he tugged on the front of Tom’s shirt until their lips crashed together and he let out a whimper.  
  
Beneath him Tom could feel Bill arching up, his legs falling wide and his hands splayed over Tom’s back, pressing Tom so he lay heavy between his thighs. Tom could feel how hard they both were but neither made a move to do anything about it. It didn’t seem like the time, it didn’t seem appropriate somehow. They just moved together, lips locked and hearts open, turned on and euphoric and together. _Really_ together for the first time in their lives.   
  
Time passed so fast, Tom didn’t know where it had run off to. They spent hours wrapped in each other’s arms, worshipping each other, floating higher together, kissing, touching, panting, biting, sweaty and hot. Bill’s top had ridden up so his soft belly was on display and Tom’s was completely off, discarded over the side of his bed so Bill could slink down his body and trail wet, open-mouthed kisses over his chest and down to his belly button.   
  
Tom had never felt love like this before and he kept dragging back Bill to his lips, afraid the moment would end, and this would be over forever. Tom knew he could never go back now, this was how they were supposed to be.   
  
Bill’s eyes met his in the black.   
  
“I’ve got you,” Tom told him and Bill held his gaze fearlessly until they were kissing again, desperate, frantic, in love.  
  


.~~~~

  
  
Tom woke the next day to a note on the bedside table that read two lines.   
  
_I’m staying at Shiro’s for a few days. Don’t call me. - B._


	3. Chapter 3

Tom woke the next day to a note on the bedside table that read two lines.   
  
_I’m staying at Shiro’s for a few days. Don’t call me. - B._  
  
Memories of last night flooded back to him and he screwed his eyes shut against the tears that threatened to spill over. They’d crossed the line, a line that Tom knew had been blurred for years but they’d never gone there. Tom had never fucking _kissed_ Bill.   
  
But it was more than that, it was _so much more than that._  
  
It had meant everything, it had been so fucking good. Tom had now had a taste for just how good they could be and he hadn’t expected Bill to just jump ship like that. Not without talking about it.   
  
A terrible thought crossed Tom’s mind and he swallowed drily; maybe it was the drugs, maybe Bill had just been loved up and caught up in the moment. Maybe it wasn’t _real_ for Bill.   
  
“Fuck!” Tom shouted into the eerily silent house. Not even their dogs were around, having stayed with their neighbour last night while the twins went out.   
  
A tight feeling in his chest made Tom’s breath catch in his throat and he had to sit up, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and gasping for air as he placed his elbows on his knees and hung his head low. The room span and he squeezed his eyes shut so hard that he saw dark spots dance behind his lids. Trying to focus on staying conscious he sucked in desperate lungfuls of air and concentrated on not crying.   
  
Tom needed Bill so much right then, it was agonising.   
  
Minutes passed and finally Tom was able to calm his racing heart and stand on shaky legs. He made it to the shower, cleaned his teeth, drank some orange juice, grabbed a beer.   
  
Then the come down hit hard.   
  
The next few days passed in an oppressive darkness that Tom couldn’t shake. Everything around him seemed to be cast in a grey film, his movements were sluggish, he couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep because he didn't know where Bill was. For all he knew he could be out with some creep only interested in his ass, or he could be passed out in a club bathroom, alone, lost, gone. Bill could have left LA entirely and Tom would have no fucking clue.  
  
He’d texted Bill, but received no answer. Shiro had been kind enough to message him, confirming Bill was staying with him for a few days but this had done little to quell Tom’s near-debilitating anxieties.   
  
How could they go from something so great, so fucking perfect, to this? Tom had never had to deal with such intense feelings alone and he wondered if this was how Bill had been feeling lately, after his break-up. The thought brought tears to his eyes and he fought to control the sobs that threatened to escape.   
  
He would just have to carry on until Bill returned to him, hopefully in one piece.   
  


~~~~

  
  
Tom was trapped in a stupor when he heard Bill arrive home four days later. He was nearly passed out on the sofa, an episode of _Friends_ on in the background and the room spinning slightly whenever he moved his head.   
  
He couldn’t bring himself to move even when he heard the heavy football of Bill’s boots enter the living room followed by a cough.   
  
“Fuck,” Bill’s voice floated over to him through the smog he’d created. “Are you fucking hot boxing the place?”   
  
Tom didn’t make a sound, only tilted his head when Bill came round the side of the sofa and stood before him, accidentally knocking over a few empty beer bottles as we went. Tom’s eyes slipped shut as Bill crouched down beside him and ran a cold hand over his clammy forehead.   
  
“You’re fucking gone.” Tom heard Bill sigh and he opened his eyes, blinking slowly until his beautiful twin swam into view.   
  
“How much did you smoke?” Bill said and Tom thought his voice sounded like velvet. “How much did you drink?”   
  
“Too much,” Tom mumbled. “I feel like shit.”   
  
“You look like shit, too,” Bill told him and Tom managed a frown.   
  
“Where are the dogs?” Bill asked.   
  
“Next door,” Tom told him. “I wouldn’t fuckin’…”   
  
“I know,” Bill said gently. “I just wanted to know where they were.”   
  
Tom grunted.   
  
“I need to get you to bed,” Bill said calmly. “Help me, ok?”   
  
Tom felt Bill tugging on his arm and it took an inordinate amount of effort to heave himself off the sofa, swaying dangerously before Bill looped his arm round his waist and propped him up, guiding him slowly out the smoky room and up the stairs, into Tom’s bedroom.   
  
“This isn’t supposed to happen like this,” Tom said as Bill propped him up in bed, thinking back to all those times he’d taken Bill to bed, or tucked him in after a wild night, taken off his shoes and wrapped him up safely. “I’m supposed to look after you.”   
  
“Oh, Tom,” Bill crouched down beside him and looked up at him with sad eyes. “We have to look after each other. You can’t do it alone. I’m such a bitch sometimes… I owe you my fucking life.”   
  
“You left me,” Tom slurred, turning melancholy eyes on his twin.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Bill whispered and Tom could hear his voice crack. “I’m here now.”   
  
Tom nodded and reached with heavy hands for his twin. Bill clambered into bed beside Tom, after kicking off his boots and pulling down the duvet so he could cocoon them both beneath it. They had a whole king size bed but Bill mashed his face into Tom’s neck and curled an arm over his chest and Tom thought hazily that this was how it should always be, with his baby in his arms, safe and loved.   
  


~~~~

  
  
Tom awoke the next morning feeling far less groggy than he felt he should. The last few days had passed in a foggy, substance-induced blur and he had barely been sober except for a couple of hours in the studio when he’d tried writing Bill’s missing melody.   
  
The room was blueish which told him it was almost sunset. He’d slept through most of the day again, his body clock so backwards that he’d become almost as much of a night owl as Bill.   
  
_Bill_.   
  
He rolled over and found himself face to face with Bill’s legs. Trailing his gaze up Bill’s body he met Bill’s eyes, watching him carefully. His twin was sitting up against the headboard, his arms wrapped around his long legs and his cheek resting against his knees. Brown eyes blinked owlishly at Tom but he remained silent.   
  
“Have you been here all night?” Tom sat up, joining Bill against the headboard.   
  
Bill nodded. “I slept a bit.”   
  
“You didn’t have to stay… I mean, if you didn’t want to,” Tom said awkwardly.   
  
Bill gave him an incredulous look. “You were fucked. I thought you were gonna choke on your own vomit or something.”   
  
Tom pulled a face. “Gross.”   
  
“I was worried,” Bill said softly. “Fuck… Tom, I was scared.”   
  
Tom huffed through his nose and looked across at Bill, locking their gaze. “I feel like that every time you go out,” he said harshly.   
  
Bill didn’t say anything and Tom heaved himself up, throwing the covers to the side as he made his way to his en suite on slightly unbalanced legs.   
  
“Shower,” he grunted when he heard Bill ask where he was going.   
  
Tom needed to clear his head. The steam of the too-hot shower helped ease the tension from his shoulders and set his mind straight. Bill was back and they had a lot to talk about. Part of Tom wondered if Bill would pull another disappearing act while he was showering but he didn’t think so somehow.   
  
Tom tipped his head towards the spray and thought of his twin, his soft body and his tired eyes and how much he fucking loved him. He wondered how Bill felt. Tom thought he knew, if Bill would only let himself really feel, really see what was between them.   
  
Tom rubbed a weary hand over his face and sighed.   
  
By the time he had showered and brushed his teeth, his mind was a oddly settled. He shoved on a clean t-shirt and track pants before heading back into his bedroom.   
  
Bill was sitting where he’d left him, but he was looking clean and had his silk kimono wrapped around his body instead of last night’s clothes.   
  
“You showered?” Tom asked as he came to perch on the edge of the bed facing Bill.   
  
Bill nodded. His arms were still wrapped around his knees, as though protecting himself against something. Wanting to sooth his twin Tom laid a warm hand on his knee and waited, waiting for Bill to be the first to speak.   
  
They remained in comfortable silence for several minutes until Bill finally spoke. “I’m sorry I ran away.”   
  
“You came back,” Tom said, offering Bill a small smile and giving his knee a little shake.   
  
“I’ll always come back to you,” Bill said quietly. “We’re like fucking magnets, you and me.”   
  
Tom didn’t deny that. “Let me help you,” he implored, desperate for Bill to see how much Tom wanted to be there for him.   
  
“I don’t know if you can,” Bill shook his head and his eyes were wide, soulful and hopeless.   
  
“But _why_?” Tom pleaded. “I don’t understand.”   
  
The corners of BIll’s mouth downturned and he cast Tom a dark look before looking away. “You of all people should understand.”   
  
Tom knew what Bill was referring to, remembering with painful clarity how Bill had been there for him, unquestioning and constant, before they’d had to flee to LA. Tom had been tormented by fears and anxiety when the fame had become too much and often he’d lashed out in ways he hadn’t meant to. But Bill had been there for him throughout, picking up the pieces and patching up Tom as best as he could.   
  
Then he realised what Bill thought he meant and he drew closer to him on the bed, gripping Bill’s knee tightly. Bill tried to pull away but Tom didn’t let him. “I didn’t mean it like that. I understand, Bill. God, I fucking understand too much how you feel but I don’t understand how I can help you. Tell me what I need to do.” His voice was cracked with emotion but he nearly gasped in relief as Bill’s stormy eyes finally looked up to meet his.   
  
“I want what we both know we can’t have,” Bill said.   
  
“Why not?” Tom shook his head, denying what Bill was saying. “Wouldn’t it be worth it to be happy again?”   
  
“We _can’t_ , Tom,” Bill insisted, his eyes beseeching as he seemed to curl further into himself.   
  
Tom leaned in close to Bill, pulling him into an embrace and storing Bill safely in his arms. “When has anyone been able to stop us from doing what we want?”   
  
Bill only shook his head and Tom felt him tremble against his body. They sat in silence, listening to the house settle around them as the light failed and they were engulfed in the night. Tom was worried that Bill would cry and he didn't know what he would do then, never able to stand seeing his twin cry. But Bill did not, instead sitting in Tom’s arms, quiet and pensive.   
  
The words that fell from Bill’s lips next startled Tom and made his heart ache profoundly.   
  
“I don’t think it’s possible for me to love anyone as much as I love you,” Bill admitted despondently. “Maybe that’s why I’ve had so many failed relationships.”   
  
“We’re so good together,” Tom murmured, turning to press his lips to Bill’s temple. “We don’t need anyone else.”   
  
“That’s so fucked up, Tom,” Bill said bitterly, pulling away to look at Tom. “It’s fucked up that the only person I can stand to be around is my own fucking twin.”   
  
“It’s not fucked up,” Tom said levelly, frowning at Bill’s words. “We’re close.”   
  
“Too close,” Bill’s lips curled in disdain. “We’re going to end up alone.”   
  
“We have each other,” Tom tried to reason. He was starting to panic a bit at Bill’s words. He knew his twin wasn’t trying to hurt him but the words cut deep. He wanted to make Bill see how special they were. How much he loved him.   
  
“Your one and only long term relationship ended because she thought you weren’t committed and I’ve had so many in the past few years I’ve lost count.” Bill laughed harshly.   
  
“Then maybe it’s better that we only have each other,” Tom said. Shadows were cast over Bill’s face as he regarded Tom in the darkness, making him look otherworldly. “Let me love you,” Tom entreated. “All of you.”   
  
Their eyes did not break contact and Tom held his breath, waiting for Bill to reply. A thousand emotions were battling inside Tom but he tried to remain calm, not wanting to spook Bill. Bill was everything that was precious to Tom in the world and he would fight tooth and nail to keep him, to make him happy. If only Bill would let him.   
  
“I’m scared,” Bill whispered, his voice quivering. “I’m no good at being alone… what if this doesn’t work?”   
  
“This is you and me, Bill,” Tom said, finding Bill’s hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “Think about how fucking good we’ve always been.”   
  
Tom could see doubt behind Bill’s shadowed eyes and gently he cupped Bill’s cheek, swiping a thumb over his cheek bone. “Look at me,” Tom said. Bill did and Tom held his eyes, trying to make Bill see, see how much this meant to him. “I’ve never left you alone before, why would I start now?”   
  
Bill’s eyes sparkled as he stared at Tom. “If we do this,” he said, his voice unsteady. “We can never go back, it would hurt too much.”   
  
Tom shook his head. “Fuck, no, Bill. I would never do that to you.”   
  
The moment hung between them for what seemed like an eternity.   
  
Then Bill spoke. “Ok,” he was so close to Tom and his eyes shone. “You can have all of me.”   
  
Tom’s heart jumped and an eruption of butterflies in his belly made him feel almost nauseous. The need to scoop Bill up and hold him right against his chest so they could feel whole again was overwhelming and he surged forward as Bill did the same.   
  
“Love me,” Bill breathed just before their lips met and Tom’s brow furrowed with the desperate need to pour everything he felt for his perfect, fragile twin into one kiss.   
  
Tom’s mind was transported back to their first kiss only a few nights ago, frantic and anxious. This was no different, and he knew now that it hadn’t been the drugs that night, it had been only Bill who had made his head spin and his heart race and his palms sweat.  
  
Carefully, he rolled them over, laying Bill out beneath him and pressing his body over his twin’s, keeping him protected as he caged out the rest of the world.   
  
Bill was warm and solid, moving slowly with Tom as they kissed, both pairs of eyes shut so they could _feel_ each other, love each other with touches and caresses and gentle strokes. With every soft moan that issued from Bill’s lips Tom’s heart hammered with the knowledge that he was finally healing his twin, that he’d finally worked out how.   
  
They broke apart, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths and Bill’s hand came up between them to touch two fingers to Tom’s lower lip, sliding them inside much like he’d done when he’d fed Tom the pill that night.   
  
“I need to feel complete again,” Bill murmured, his eyes watching Tom in the dark. “I need to feel you inside me, I want you to heal me.”   
  
Tom’s forehead dropped to Bill’s as his twin extracted his fingers from his mouth, running the pad of one over Tom’s lip ring. He knew Bill wasn’t fucking with him, that he meant what he was asking of Tom.   
  
Closing his eyes as his breath hitched at the thought of filling his little brother, he nodded. “I’ll love you properly,” he promised. “Like you deserve to be loved.”   
  
Bill lifted his hips off the bed and Tom’s eyes opened when he felt Bill’s hardness collide with his own. He found Bill gazing up at him with so much surety that Tom nearly had to look away, the enormity of this evident to them both. But he didn’t, their eyes remained connected, following each other’s movements hawklike, both hungry to drink the other in and savour this turning point.   
  
“Show me,” Bill whispered, leaning up to press an open-mouthed kiss to Tom’s lips. “Show me how good we can be, show me that this is right.”   
  
Tom was drowning in Bill’s eyes but he nodded, capturing Bill’s lips once more in a slow, heavy kiss.   
  
“Show me,” Bill murmured again.   
  
And Tom showed him. He showed him when he poured every ounce of his love into each kiss, when he slid Bill’s kimono over his shoulders, kissing the newly exposed skin and tugging on his nipple ring with his teeth. Tom showed him when he spread Bill beneath him and pressed two slick fingers inside his body, when Bill threw his head back and Tom licked the side of his neck, stretching his brother wide and ready for him as Bill’s thighs fell open. He showed him when he folded his legs back and eased into him for the first time, when Bill moaned so prettily that Tom had to kiss him hard to stop himself coming inside him too soon. Tom showed him when he looked into his eyes as he thrust into him and promised him it would always be like this.   
  
“This is how we were born to be,” Tom told him, pressing his forehead to Bill and hooking his arms behind Bill’s knees to push into him deeper.   
  
Bill nodded, his lower lip caught between his teeth. “I can feel you,” he gasped. “All of you.”   
  
The space between them was thick with heat and desires that had remained untapped for far too long. Tom couldn’t look away from his beautiful twin, ethereal in the evening dimness and gleaming with sweat and sex. Every time he shoved into Bill’s tight little body Bill’s chest heaved and eyelashes fluttered. He was enchanting, he was perfect.   
  
Tom was entirely his.   
  
“I can feel your heart,” Bill panted. Tom felt his twin press his palm flat against his chest, digging his nails in slightly as Tom surged over him and forced them closer. Then Bill grasped one of Tom’s hands and held it against his own sternum, right over their matching tattoo and Tom’s belly flipped hard as he felt Bill’s heart, beating for him.   
  
Bill was Tom’s, too.   
  
“Our heartbeats are the same,” Bill breathed, looking up into Tom’s eyes.   
  
“I can feel it,” Tom told him. Then he snapped his hips forward, stretching Bill wide with his cock and making him cry out.   
  
“Tom! Oh, _fuck_.”   
  
Tom’s toes curled as Bill clenched around him and pushed him right to edge. Sinking in and out of Bill’s willing body was more than he could cope with, they were connecting in ways Tom had never dared to imagine would actually happen and his mind was reeling, so full of Bill and everything he meant to him.   
  
Tom reared up then, kissing Bill messily before pulling back so he could really give it to him, really fuck him like he meant it. The throaty noises that Bill made as Tom ploughed into him were about to tip Tom over the edge and then Bill called out Tom’s name, his head thrown back onto the pillows as his back arched from the bed as his whole body went taught. Streaks of come spurted from his cock to paint his chest as Bill clamped down on Tom and he flung his hands over his head to grip the headboard with white knuckles, his mouth open in a silent cry.   
  
Tom’s orgasm followed, ripping through his body as Bill pulsed around his dick and held onto him tight. The pleasure was so intense that Tom fell forward over his twin, their lips crashing together as Bill’s back curved off the bed to meet him and he panted into his mouth. Bill’s lips were bruised by the time Tom pulled back but he still sought more, urging Tom close again as his thrusts slowed until they were both lying together with a hot sticky mess between them and only their desperate gasps filling the otherwise silent air.   
  
“Do you believe me now?” Tom wanted to know, as he pulled back from Bill’s neck and gazed down at him with fuzzy eyes. “Do you see how much I love you?”   
  
Bill gave Tom’s cock one last squeeze before he wriggled, trying to push Tom off him.   
  
Tom obliged, easing out of Bill slowly so as not to hurt him. They were both messy and spent, come dripping from Bill’s ass and over his chest. When Tom removed his dick completely Bill’s thighs clenched together, almost involuntarily, and he trembled around Tom’s body where his legs were still wrapped tight around his waist.   
  
“Fuck.” Bill’s voice quavered.   
  
Tom watched Bill gradually uncoil, his legs falling from around Tom’s hips and his arms coming down from the headboard they’d gripped onto so tight during his climax. He wanted Bill to answer his question but he didn’t want to push him, afraid he would push too hard and Bill would retreat back into himself again.   
  
When Bill finally met his eyes, Tom saw unshed tears glistening in the low light. Before Tom could say anything, Bill’s hand came up to cup Tom’s cheek, rubbing a thumb over the skin and drawing Tom down for a kiss that told Tom everything he needed to know.   
  
“I see,” Bill croaked when they parted. “I see, Tom. Fuck I love you so much.”   
  
Tom rested his forehead against Bill’s and found his hazel eyes looking up at him, trusting and whole and warm with a love that Tom hadn’t seen before. A new love, a special love. Just for the two of them.   
  
For several moments they shared air, still coming to terms with that they now meant to each other. Tom’s limbs were stiff but he wasn't ready to leave his little brother just yet, wanting to feel his body beneath his own, share more kisses, spend more time wrapped around each other, learning everything he could about Bill.   
  
“We’ll be ok,” Tom told Bill as he kissed his cheek affectionately.   
  
“We’ll always be a little fucked up,” Bill said with a soft smile. “But I’m starting to think that maybe that’s ok.”   
  
Tom smiled down at him, rolling to the side at last and scooping Bill close against his chest. “We have each other,” Tom said, repeating something he’d said earlier to Bill. The enormity of those words was not lost on him. Tom knew they would always have each other and he could see that Bill was beginning to realise it, too. Being twins was more than being close, more than being brothers, more even than being lovers, it was everything. It was all Tom knew and all he could ever hope to give Bill.   
  
“We have each other,” Bill said Tom’s words back to him, placing a tender kiss to Tom’s lips and closing his eyes. Tom watched as Bill drifted to sleep in his arms, occasionally pressing his lips to his forehead and breathing him into his lungs.   
  
Bill was perfect and he was everything and Tom was never going to let him go again.   
  


~~~~

_Even though we change  
Our heartbeat is the same_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! :)


End file.
